It is late and you are replaying it, looking for the moment you could have changed the ending. There is not one. That is the hardest part to accept and the only part that eventually helps.
You are not only grieving them. You are grieving who you were when you were with them. That person was real. That is what makes this hurt the way it does.
Missing someone is not a reason to go back. It is only proof that it was real.
Missing someone is not a reason to go back. It is just proof that what you had was real. You can hold that without going back to it.
You keep replaying it looking for the moment you could have changed the ending. There is not one. That is not a failure. That is just how this one ends.
You are not grieving who they were. You are grieving who you were when you were with them. That person existed. That is what makes this real.
The version of you that existed in that relationship was real. You are not losing a person. You are also losing a version of yourself. That is allowed to hurt.
You can know it was right to leave and still feel the loss. Those are not contradictions. They are both true at the same time.
You will get to a point where you remember it without it taking the floor out from under you. You are just not there yet. That is timeline, not failure.
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