You know what it is. You have known for a while. You have built your whole routine around not thinking about it, a very sophisticated and very exhausting architecture of distraction.
The thing is not getting smaller. You are getting more tired. Each time you circle it without looking, you hand it a little more weight.
You are not protecting yourself. You are just postponing yourself.
Avoidance is just fear with better manners. It lets you feel like you are coping while making sure nothing changes.
You already know what is there. The avoidance is just the part before you admit you know.
The thing you are circling will not get smaller. But you will get more tired. At some point those two lines cross.
You are not protecting yourself. You are just postponing yourself.
At some point the avoiding becomes the thing you are carrying. It gets heavier than whatever you were avoiding in the first place.
The conversation you keep not having is having you. It is in every room you walk into.
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